Psychotherapist Kelly Anne Mitchell told Mamamia how narcissists typically control their partners through “intermittent reinforcement”.
In a recent Mamamia feature on the challenges of leaving a narcissistic partner, relationship therapist and somatic practitioner Kelly Anne Mitchell offered expert insight into the psychological forces that keep people trapped in unhealthy relationships.
The article explores how love-bombing, coercive control and subtle manipulation create trauma bonds—cycles of affection and withdrawal that make it extremely difficult to leave. Kelly explains how intermittent reinforcement, where warmth alternates with punishment or distance, conditions a partner to stay hopeful and emotionally hooked.
She also addresses the damaging assumption behind the question, “Why didn’t you just leave?”—noting that shame, fear, and distorted self-perception often prevent survivors from recognising abuse or feeling capable of escape.
Kelly’s perspective underscores that recovery is possible: with somatic awareness, professional support and compassionate self-connection, survivors can rebuild trust in themselves and create healthy relationships.
Read the full article on Mamamia to learn more about these patterns and Kelly’s practical guidance for healing.
